Lessons in Wedding Planning: Saying 'No' is Hard to Do

I am a people-pleaser by nature. Knowing I've hurt someone's feelings or let someone down are thoughts that way heavily on my conscience - it's a bit of a curse. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that I value others' feelings, but at the same time it's pretty frustrating to have to regularly force myself to consider my feelings too.

Planning a wedding has really encouraged me to reckon with my inherent need to please because, duh, it's absolutely impossible to please everyone...particularly when planning a wedding. And here is a word of caution to all of my fellow wedding plannin', people pleasin' frenz:

There is no way around it. Whether it's your friend Lisa who is hurt because she didn't make the bridesmaid cut or your Uncle Steve pissed off that you aren't inviting his newest wife's favorite niece - IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. It's better to first accept that you aren't going to please everyone and prepare to go from there.

I could issue you all the standard advice of: "It's your day! Do whatever the heck you want!", but life is a bit more complex than that. At some point you will have to decide which battles are worth fighting and which ones are better off forfeited.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

Scenario 1: Your Aunt Betty is donating to your wedding fund and offers up her ruby bracelet for you to wear on the big day. You sense that this would mean a lot to her but it won't quite coordinate with your already-selected jewelry. Decline the offer or happily oblige?

Scenario 2: For budgeting purposes, your guestlist has been trimmed and you've taken a firm stance on the plus ones - limiting them to long-term significant others. Your close single friend John, however, thinks he should be able to bring whoever he'd like and outright asks to do so. What do you do?

I'd personally choose to acquiesce to sweet Aunt Betty and wear the bracelet but stick to my guns with John the serial dater and decline the add-on. 

Honestly, hive, there are no standardized right or wrong answers because every situation is different - just know that questions like these are hiding in and around nearly every wedding-related decision and you'll have to field them accordingly. I think I was ill-prepared for these tough decisions and let them blindside me a bit at first. Coming from an eager-to-please mindset, while I'd love to say yes to everyone, I've finally come to accept that I will inevitably ruffle some feathers with a few no's .

As my Nana used to say, "Say 'yes' as often as possible, and when you say 'no'...really mean it." Oh, and when you tick someone off along the way...vent to the hive.

Gimme your five! Who have you let down in planning your wedding? How do you tackle the tough decisions?

Say Hello To My Little Friends

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I have stretch marks. I have stretch marks and I don't even have a cute baby to blame for them. No, no, hive. My stretch marks are lovingly attributed to my life-long struggle with weight. I've had these pesky little boogers for a while now (I'm thinkin' at least a decade). This is particularly lovely because I hear the longer you wait to do anything about them the more difficult it is to fade them into oblivion.

Anyhow, let me illustrate for you. Let's pretend for a moment that the woman depicted below is me and let's let the arrows represent the affected stretch mark areas.

Image via Patient UK/Edited for modesty + stretch marks

Oh, and I didn't put that happy gal into a strapless gown on accident. Though I'm not showing you my dress before the wedding, I will tell you it's strapless. So you know what that means? All of my beautiful stretch mark friends will be on full display come wedding time. You're welcome :)

Now, some of you may be wondering what my deal is. Do I like these marks, or what? The fact of the matter is...I don't really give a hoot either way. Yes. I've struggled with my weight in the past. Yes. I have battle scars to show for it. So what? I mean, I don't love them but I don't think they make me completely hideous either.

The only thing I am concerned about is that my guests, the ones who aren't so used to my little battle scars, will be totally distracted by them. Silly? Maybe. I dunno. I think it's probable. I find strangers looking at them all the time. I've gotten used to it, but I don't want to feel even the slightest bit self-conscious on my big day.

They've long lost their color and aren't super noticeable but today they look a bit like this:

My shoulder and armpit.

The ones on my chest are a bit more prominent but I don't have the huevos to post a close-up picture of my tatas on the interwebs for every one to see. (HI MOM!) 

So kids, do you have stretch marks too? Any amazing (inexpensive) miracle cream out there to make them vanish forever and ever and ever? 

Honoring the Veterans

So remember how the Seals chose to get married on November 11th? Just in case you're unfamiliar with the importance of this date in the US, I'll clue you in - it's Veterans Day. This was definitely something that Mr. Seal and I took into consideration. Both of my late grandparents and several of my uncles served in the military and both the Sealman and I have a few cousins currently serving - we don't want to take away from the importance of this day by any means.

Image via Mantoos

So in an effort to pay homage to our beloved veterans and thank them for sharing their day with us (as many will physically be in attendance on the day) we've devised a plan!

Think a family photo display like Mrs. Jellyfish's - except the pictures will be entirely devoted to our vets past and present.

Photo by Cliff Brunk Photography

 On the left is my Grandpa Alfonso (a veteran of the Navy) and on the right is my Papa Albert (a former Merchant Marine)

The centerpiece to this table will be my Grandpa Alfonso's burial flag (encased as shown below). I know that may sound a bit somber but I really don't think it will come off as such once surrounded by the photos of our smiling friends and family.

Image via Veterans Medals

I like the idea of  being able to simultaneously showcase our family history and pay homage to our veterans for their dedicated service.

What do you think? Are you displaying old family photos? Does your wedding date fall on a national holiday? Are you working this into the wedding somehow?

You (and the Obamas) are Cordially Invited...

...to a Seal invite teaser session!

Gah! I really want to share our invitations with you right now, but I'd hate to spoil the surprise for our guests. However, since I am asking you all to wait four months for the big reveal...how about a bit of a sneak peek?!

Like Mrs. Lioness and Mrs. Lemon before me, I've decided to invite a couple of VIPs. As these are people who likely have lots of invites to swanky soirees rolling in on a daily basis, I thought it best to send out their invitations a few months early ;) With any luck, I hear you actually get some pretty cool keepsake responses.

First up: The Obamas! 

The Honorable Barack Obama and Mrs. Obama

The White House

Greetings Office, Room 39

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, District of Columbia

20500

It was too early for me to send the invites to our calligrapher to hand address so I just sent these two bad boys through my printer. 

Since Mr. Seal and I are Disney nerds, the second invite hiding under there is to Mickey and Minnie at Disneyland. The poor thing got a little smudged when I ran it through the printer and I can't afford to "waste" another envelope. (Most calligraphers request 10-15% extra envelopes to account for errors, and well, I've only got about 9% extra right now. EEK!) Anyhow, it's readable enough for the postal service, I just couldn't bring myself to post a photo of the tarnished envelope.

However, if you'd like to send one to your favorite mice, here's their address:

Mickey and Minnie Mouse
The Walt Disney Company
500 South Buena Vista Street
Burbank, California 

91521

And just for being the amazing hive that you are, here are a couple more preview pics of our invites!

The back flap of our envelopes (sneakily edited to ward off stalkers).

 Teaser of the actual invite!
[Etiquette police: I know you're not technically supposed to indicate "Black Tie" on the invite...but, well, we did.]

I love how nicely our invitation suite came out and cannot wait to share the rest of it with ya! In the meantime, I'll keep you updated on the status of our VIP's responses.

Are you guys inviting any VIPs?

Money-Saving Methods: The Piggy Bank

OK, kids. We all know weddings are expensive, right? I mean...we live in a country where a $10,000 wedding is considered a "budget" wedding. I don't know about you guys but ten big ones still sounds like a hefty chunk of moolah!

Thankfully, as I've mentioned before, the Seal parents are helping us pay for the majority of our "more-than-10K" wedding. While I am supremely grateful for their generous support, this support does not come without some self-inflicted guilt. Though Mama and Daddio Seal insist they are contributing of their own free will, I have a hard time shaking the feeling that Mr. S and I should be doing more.

Anyhow, born of this guilty conscience was a heightened desire to save. Miss Seal here does best at saving money when I am saving towards "mini goals" rather than big, scary intimidating ones. For example, instead of saving to "buy a car", I'll tell myself that I am saving for the down payment on a car—it's a mind game that works for me, especially when applied to the wedding.

So, hive, I wanted to share my new favorite method of achieving wedding "mini goals": GET AN OLD SCHOOL PIGGY BANK, YO!

 Me and my super smart (and fashion forward) piggy bank sharing an intimate moment.

I'm serious, kids—this piggy bank serves an important purpose. Mr. Piggy here is currently holding the savings towards our very sentimental, very personal guest favors. I SWEAR I will reveal the details of said favors in the near future, but I had to introduce you to an integral member of the "Seal Money-Saving Team" first.

We've had Mr. Piggy since Christmas (he was a thoughtful present from FSIL Tracy). I dunno how much he's worth but I do know this...he weighs about 8.8 lbs. Oh, but he's not all coins—I make it a point to feed him lots of cash too (on the rare occasions I have cash in my wallet upon returning home).

Anyone care to wager a guess as to how much Mr. Piggy is worth? I'll update you all and announce the winner (of my virtual high-fives) when I post about our guest favors. 

Hopefully helpful hints, or "The Three H's", if you will:

1. He weighs 8.8 lbs
2. We've had him for a little over four months now
3. Our goal is to save $600. (Though I've not yet counted, I know there is at least $100 in there.)

Happy guessing!

Have any of you utilized unique (or, in my case, old-school) methods of saving money for your wedding? What did you find was most successful?

You Got Me Trippin', Stumbling....

So most brides have some type of wedding nightmare at one point or another, right? I mean, Miss Waffle recently let us in on her recurring "ugly cry face" dreams and I suspect she isn't the only one to fall prey to the horrors of wedding nightmare-land. In fact, I know she's not. While I haven't yet had a UCF dream, I have had another form of wedding mishap continually permeate my dreams. Let me give you a bit of a background story first.

I'm not always clumsy, but let's say this: I've had my fair share of missteps. Quite literally. I've sprained my ankle dozens of times. (Sometimes my ankle just likes to buckle, what can I say?) Much to my luck, this often happens in front of other people. I try my best to laugh it off like, "Ha! I meant to trip on my right foot and fall to my knees. Ain't I a hoot?!" But let me tell you this, it is not so easy to play this off with grace when I get up limping (and occasionally bleeding if my knee is met with concrete).

Anyway, it doesn't stop there. I am going to tell you all a story that, despite having happened over ten years ago, still haunts me and makes me blush to this day. Where to start? Let's see. Back in the year 2000...

 Image via Scene SC/ Courtesy of NBC

(Sorry. Doesn't everyone think of Conan when you hear "in the year 2000"? If you don't know what I am talking about then you clearly need to see: this.)

So, anyhow, back in the year 2000, I accompanied Daddy Seal to the 1st Annual Latin Grammys. I was excited for multiple reasons: 1) I'd get to spend time with Daddy Seal, 2) the event was being held in LA which meant that I would be able to see the Southern California-based BM Carina, 3) 'NSYNC, 4) 'NSYNC and 5) 'NSYNC 

Yes, 'NSync. Yes, Justin Timberlake. They were scheduled to perform and I was PUMPED. My dad hooked it up for me and a few other friends to meet 'NSync the year prior and I relished another opportunity to make Justin Timberlake fall in love with me. (Psh, so what if I was only 15, Aaliyah said "age ain't nothin' but a number".)

Anyway, during dress rehearsals, BM Carina and I were walking down the halls of the Staples Center when we saw these two guys coming towards us:

 Image via Amazon/Edited by me

JT, perhaps preemptively attempting to quell the excitement of two teen girls coming in his direction, casually waved at us and winked. BM Carina, showing much more restraint than I, simply waved back. But what did Seal do? Well, I waited until JT was about an inch away from me before waving face palming him and screeching the ugliest and most awkward, "HI!" in the history of terrible greetings. CUE THE RED FACE. Justin responded with a "Whoooooa!" and, naturally, moved away from me as quickly as possible. 

Don't worry. Despite a firm brush with my hand, Justin's face survived and the group performed that evening as scheduled:

Video via YouTube

What does this have to do with my wedding nightmares? Well, I very rarely have recurring dreams but for about the last two months now, at least once per week, I dream that I am in our church (sometimes it's not actually the church we are getting married in) on our wedding day and walking down the aisle. "My side" of the pews is filled but on Mr. Seal's side there is only ever one person...and that person is Justin Timberlake. I am always so shocked by his presence that I have a difficult time walking and end up tripping and falling. Then everyone (including that jerk JT) bursts into laughter. (Occasionally, Zooey Deschanel is there to help me up, but who knows what that's about.)

I then wake up thrilled that I don't know JT and hug the sleeping Mr. Seal.

Though I don't have to worry about Justin Timberlake (or Zooey for that matter) making a guest appearance at our ceremony—I am now totally, paralyzingly terrified of tripping down the aisle. I do have a history of falling and making a fool out of myself, after all. Maybe I can convince Mr. Seal to walk down the aisle instead?

Do you have a recurring wedding-related nightmare? Has a past embarrassment come back to haunt you? Are you a clutz too?!

What's in a Name?: The Name Change Debate

There have been many thought-provoking posts around the hive (including a fairly recent one by Miss Hyena) regarding a bride's identity-altering decision as to whether or not she will change names for marriage. See for me, a name is not just a name; names tell stories, reveal history and hold meaning. My last name, the one I've lived with and signed thousands of times, is absolutely no different.

Truth be told, my surname is unique. So much so in fact that I am likely related to all others with my last name in the US in some distant way or another. Also, when I type my last name into Google images, I am immediately greeted by a page filled with a familiar face.

Anyhow, my name is important to me, so it is not without hours of thought that I am even considering changing it. Mr. Seal is a great sport about it all and understands my hesitation. In fact, Mr. S says that he'd 100% support me if I decided to not take on his.

Seems like a simple enough decision then, right? But no. 

Some traditional part of me really likes the idea of taking on your significant other's last name—I think it's sweet and romantic in some inexplicable way. Also, I plan on pro-creating with Mr. Seal and I'd very much like to share a last name with my children.

So some of you may be thinking: why not just hyphenate my last name?

Well, firstly, I already have a hyphen in my name. Yeah. My parents gave me two first names and stuck them together with a hyphen AND they gave me a middle name too. So, if you're doing the math, if I took on Mr. Seal's last name and hyphenated it with mine I'd have FIVE names and two hyphens. Could you imagine how long it would take me to sign things?! 

Another option would be to drop my middle name and move my last name to the middle, thus making room to take on Mr. Seal's surname as my own. However, my middle name was my maternal grandmother's name and it seems kind of rude to just cut her out like that. 

Sigh.

So, this is where you all come in. What would you do? 

Option A: Keep my last name and forgo sharing a name with my husband and children.

Option B: Hyphenate and deal with having a million names.

Option C: Take Mr. Seal's last name, drop my middle name and replace it with my current last name.

Option D: Just take Mr. Seal's name and forget about incorporating mine.

Any insight is greatly appreciated :) Did any of you struggle with this decision?

In Search of Magical Elves: Finding a Caterer

So a couple of posts back I clued you all in on our empty venue situation and the relief in discovering the world of full-service caterers. As I mentioned, our reception site has a list of "preferred caterers" (aka "magical elves" whom are familiarized with the historic site's layout and rules and capable of turning our empty reception hall into a fully-furnished and beautiful event) so, needless to say, I was pleased to have a starting point but also a bit concerned. If we chose to not sign with one of their caterers we would incur a $1000 fee. I knew about the penalty before I signed the venue's contract but was still a bit worried that I wouldn't click with any of their caterers (and in such case not looking forward to dishing out an extra thousand bucks).

I started at the top of the list and contacted each company for a general quote. By doing so, I was very quickly able to eliminate about half of the caterers (they were too expensive for my frugal liking). From the remaining companies, one seemed to stand out among the rest. Initially it was because I recognized their name from their starring role in a beautiful wedding at our reception site:

 Recognize this photo from a certain post by our very own Miss Tartlet?

Above images via Choco Studio

The bride who planned this wedding that I secretly coveted was obviously a kindred spirit (same venue, similar color scheme, a vintage air) so I was sure I could trust her choice of caterer right?

Right!

So after a fairly general quote and some e-mail correspondence with a lovely lady from the catering company, we setup a tasting for me, Mr. Seal and Mama Seal. I really had no idea what to expect going into it, but I was very pleasantly surprised by the amount of fun we had.

We were warmly greeted by the woman I had been working with from Checkers Catering and I immediately got good vibes. She took us for a tour of their facility (including a stop in the kitchen where all of the yummy food-makin' magic happens!) and then up to the room where we would be served our meal.

To start off, we were presented with three delicious appetizers. Mmmm. I scarfed these down so quickly that I failed to capture a picture—but trust me, they were amazing.

Next we were brought an absolutely yummy Caesar salad (I only remembered to take the picture after eating half of it). I am not a big Caesar salad fan, but this was scrumptious.

Mama Seal enjoyed the Caesar salad too.

The salad was followed by a Mediterranean flank stank and Chicken Picatta duet served with a side of mashed potatoes (a blend of yukon and yams) and grilled veggies:

It looked so much prettier before I started digging into it ravenously, I swear.

Close-up of the flank steak

Their Chicken Picatta was the most tender chicken I've ever tasted.

After filling our bellies with yummy, we sat down with the catering coordinator to discuss tables, chairs and linens. We all fell in love with this woman and her confidence and knowledge of our venue. If we signed with the company, not only would we get an affordable deal on some of THE most delicious food I've tasted (and I'm a foodie), but we would get this wonderful woman as our day-of coordinator and her amazing staff of magical elves to setup, run and take-down everything on the wedding day. Having that sense of responsibility lifted from our shoulders alone was worth a million bucks.

We were all sold. I really thought we were going to need to go to a few tastings before signing with anyone, but this just felt right. So, with one caterer consultation under our belt we signed the contract and wrote the check for the deposit!

Was finding a caterer this easy for you? How many tastings did you go to before finding "the one"?

The 'Mama Seal of Approval': Honoring the Worthy

In honor of the upcoming Mother's Day, I've been thinkin' a lot about my own mama and I need your help! So I've blogged a bit about Daddy Seal and our F/D dance. It seems very strange to me, however, that (other than her expressed disapproval of our cigar bar) I've yet to truly introduce you to Mama Seal—and given how very much she means to Mr. Seal and me, this is just totally unacceptable. Though at first it may appear otherwise, I swear this post has everything to do with our wedding. Plus I really do need some advice.

Some relevant history first.

 Mama Seal, pregnant with Baby Seal (me)

Mama Seal is my best friend. Oh, and not the kind of "best friend mom" that forgets she is first and foremost my mother; she has always been amazingly nurturing and disciplinary exactly when she needs to be. As such an important person in my life, however, she basically influences every single one of my decisions. I'm not exaggerating. Despite being 25-years-old, I still call Mama Seal when I'm sick to make me feel better. Oh, and any purchases over $50 (of my own money, mind you) rarely transact without a quick call for approval from Mama Seal. I know, I know—you all will call this codependency, but I lovingly refer to it as the "Mama Seal of Approval" (actually I just came up with that, but I'm gonna own it and suggest we run with it).

 Me and Mama Seal enjoying dinner at Disneyland

So after Mama S approved of Mr. Seal and we started planning this whole big wedding, it was quite evident that my mom was going to be just as important in the wedding planning process as my color palette. Now I fear I am making her sound controlling but that is very far from the truth; having her bless my decisions, so to speak, is a stipulation of my own. So when I say, for example, that Mama Seal gave us her approval for the reception venue before we signed a contract, this was only after several annoying rounds of, "MAAAMAA, TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" My mom has consistently insisted that she has enough faith in me to blindly trust my decisions, but I like need to hear her confirmations aloud first. Because I'm silly.

Maybe our resident psychologist Ms. Ferris Wheel has a fancy name for my "need for approval" but I swear that, whatever it is, my reliance upon Mama S comes from a loving place. Am I eager to please Mama Seal? Absolutely. Is this because I want to make her proud? You betcha. Does she ever make me feel like a disappointment? Never.

Anyhow, as it should happen, the same week that I received my bee acceptance e-mail, Mama Seal was in the hospital recovering from an emergency surgery. To make a long and emotional story short: she went in for a routine surgery, the surgeons made a mistake, she was sent home only to get worse, I forced her back to the ER and 12 hours after being re-admitted she was back on the surgical table feeling very weak and very ill. Her surgery was a success, but due to the critical and intensive nature of her procedure she was kept in the hospital for over a week for observation and we were told by the doctor that we could only take things "day by day".

Thankfully she has steadily improved and, though still in the recovery process, is doing so much better. She's back to being the incredibly vibrant, amazing, and best lookin' 61-year-old I know. I surely didn't need a frightening experience to prove how dear my mother is to me but if there is one thing this whole ordeal has taught me, it is that I need to express my gratitude more often.

With that being said, we can get back to my initial reason for posting: I need your advice. Fathers and daughters share a special dance at the reception and I've flirted with the idea of adding a Mother/Daughter dance to ours, but I just don't know. What does one do on the big day to publicly pay homage to an incredibly influential, amazingly selfless, hero of a mom? Any suggestions? Are you doing anything for/with your mom on your wedding day?