Confessions of a Chocolateholic: A 25-Year Struggle With Weight

 
Warning: For the purpose of telling a story, this particular blog contains a bunch of pictures of me. I personally found it pretty unnerving to see my face over ten times on a single page, so I thought I'd save you the shock and give you all a head's up.

My "weight-loss journey" has been a long one. I wasn't always overweight. Though I was over 9lbs when I was born, as a child I was pretty skinny (or at least average if nothing else).

Little newborn me:

Mama Seal, brother seals, and a little flower girl version of me at my cousin Michelle's wedding (totally still diggin' that pink frilly FG number):

I think it was around 3rd grade when I started gaining "the weight". I'm not quite sure what it was that changed—I was an active kid and well-known as a tomboy. Perhaps it was a slowing metabolism or maybe I started eating more cupcakes and candy—whatever it was, the weight seemed as though it was there to stay.

MOH Brandi and I in 3rd grade, right as I began gradually putting on pounds:

In junior high I was wearing double-digit pant sizes. By high school I was 5'8" and a size 20, weighing in at over 230 pounds. Over the years I had completely lost interest in sports and went from a tomboy to that kid who was always scheming to get out of P.E. class.

My HS Senior photo, at my heaviest:

I looked in the mirror and, although I thought I had a pretty face, I cringed at what I saw—I wasn't one of those beautiful girls who was confident with my extra curves. I was unhappy and, as so many over-eaters do, found comfort in food—cheese and chocolate put a smile on my face.

MOH Brandi and I during our college years:

 Somewhere between a size 18 and 20 while studying abroad in Spain with friend Christina:

About a year after I came back home from school I "turned a corner". I was tired of feeling sluggish and ugly and done with failing at losing weight. People ask what changed for me mentally and I really can't attribute my new-found determination to anything other than an extreme desire to be healthy and to not fail.

For months I counted every calorie that went into my body and worked out tirelessly. I started by walking two miles a day and 50 pounds later was able to run almost 7.5 miles at Bay-to-Breakers in San Francisco. As mentioned in a previous post, it was after my first Bay-to-Breakers run that Mr. Seal and I started dating.

Me, at a size 12 shortly thereafter: 

Bridesmaid Sarah and I being goobers:

During the first year of engagement, I put back on about 15lbs. Bummer. Though I definitely could have made wiser food choices, I can't say I regret that time. We were happy, and happy for us entailed no gym and lots of date nights with pasta, pizza, cheeseburgers and chocolate cake.

Post 15lb weight gain at our engagement party, with MOH Brandi yet again:

As 2011 rolled around, the novelty of eating whatever I wanted wore off and I began to feel uncomfortable with my physical appearance again. I always knew I wanted to lose weight before the wedding but after gaining back some of my previous pounds I really wanted to lose for me and for my health.

To kick off the new year the healthful way, some of my family and friends started a weight-loss support group and every week we meet at my auntie's house to weigh-in and discuss our diet and exercise habits. I cannot tell you how successful this has been. Well, actually I can. With their support, both Mr. S and I have gotten back in to eating healthy and exercising regularly and I am happy to announce that I am officially at my lowest weight as an adult.

Currently a size 10 weighing in at 170 lbs (and on my way to losing more):

Losing weight is more than just about feeling fabulous in a wedding gown. I can truly say that had I still weighed 230lbs when I met Mr. Seal, we would never have started dating. Now, before you get angry at the Sealman, he is not the reason I say that—in fact, he vehemently disagrees and claims that he would have found me attractive at any weight. I say this because when I was 230lbs I completely closed myself off to the opposite sex. As trite as it sounds, it's true—I didn't love myself and therefore didn't feel as though anyone else deserved to love me.

So like I said, losing weight is not just about the wedding—it is about being healthy for our future kids and feeling good enough about myself to let Mr. Seal continue loving me.

Have any of you struggled with weight? Did your wedding jump-start a weight-loss regimen?

With love,

Miss Seal

(all personal photos)