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There have been many thought-provoking posts around the hive (including a fairly recent one by Miss Hyena) regarding a bride's identity-altering decision as to whether or not she will change names for marriage. See for me, a name is not just a name; names tell stories, reveal history and hold meaning. My last name, the one I've lived with and signed thousands of times, is absolutely no different.
Truth be told, my surname is unique. So much so in fact that I am likely related to all others with my last name in the US in some distant way or another. Also, when I type my last name into Google images, I am immediately greeted by a page filled with a familiar face.
Anyhow, my name is important to me, so it is not without hours of thought that I am even considering changing it. Mr. Seal is a great sport about it all and understands my hesitation. In fact, Mr. S says that he'd 100% support me if I decided to not take on his.
Seems like a simple enough decision then, right? But no.
Some traditional part of me really likes the idea of taking on your significant other's last name—I think it's sweet and romantic in some inexplicable way. Also, I plan on pro-creating with Mr. Seal and I'd very much like to share a last name with my children.
So some of you may be thinking: why not just hyphenate my last name?
Well, firstly, I already have a hyphen in my name. Yeah. My parents gave me two first names and stuck them together with a hyphen AND they gave me a middle name too. So, if you're doing the math, if I took on Mr. Seal's last name and hyphenated it with mine I'd have FIVE names and two hyphens. Could you imagine how long it would take me to sign things?!
Another option would be to drop my middle name and move my last name to the middle, thus making room to take on Mr. Seal's surname as my own. However, my middle name was my maternal grandmother's name and it seems kind of rude to just cut her out like that.
Sigh.
So, this is where you all come in. What would you do?
Option A: Keep my last name and forgo sharing a name with my husband and children.
Option B: Hyphenate and deal with having a million names.
Option C: Take Mr. Seal's last name, drop my middle name and replace it with my current last name.
Option D: Just take Mr. Seal's name and forget about incorporating mine.
Any insight is greatly appreciated :) Did any of you struggle with this decision?
9 Comments:
hmmmm. i guess my question would be why do you feel the need to hold on to your surname? the only thing that is changing is a signature on a piece of paper, not who you are. for me, i didn't hesistate. i didn't *love* my new last name, having to spell it out ev.ry.time and people ask "van what?" or "is that dutch?". but for me, in marriage the two become one. i know its hard when its been your identity your whole life. it took my parents a few years to actually remember my new last name! LOL>
Okay... I think I'm a hardcore feminist. I just erased a really long rant about social norms... complete with a comparison between taking your husband's name and branding a cow.
Why is it weird for men to take the woman's name? If you think about it, the children should get the mother's name, not the father's.
Back on task now. I have no answers for you, it has to be your decision because its what you're going to live with.
@Jenna: It's something inexplicable, I suppose. I guess part of me really likes the fact that my last name has history and its origins can be traced all the way back to a town in Poland where my peeps came from. I guess I hold on to that sense of history more so than I thought. But you're right—changing my name won't change ME...I just really like my weird last name ;P
@Emu: Ahh! I SO want to hear the branding a cow analogy now. Lol. I WISH Mr. S would just take my last name...it would make life easier. Hehe.
My family does it old school, drop the middle name, move your maiden name to your middle name and take your husband's last name. I like this system, because if everyone did it you could pretty easily trace family lineages. Offspring would also take your maiden as their middle and your husbands as their last.
I understand your hesitation in dropping your middle name if it was your maternal grandmother's name but if you like it that much and you're changing your name anyways I would suggest dropping your second first name in place of your maternal grandmothers.
No net increase in names!
^oh geez, i forgot i heightened security on my google account. It's me, Christina
I was raised being told that I better keep my last name or else! My dad says it holds a lot of history and blah blah blah. With that being said, I'm choosing to take Brandon's last name. I'm guess I'm traditional in that sense. Also, I think it's kind of romantic. Plus, I want the same last name as my kids. I don't want them to have hyphenated names. On top of it all, I'll never have to tell people how to spell my last name again. Everybody knows how to spell Swanson!
Uh oh... I just saw my name posted as Carina Conte and I got a little heavy hearted. I'll only have that name for a few more months. Oh well. I gotta suck it up.
Well...I spent a lot of time thinking about this one before I got married. For years I was the little girl scribbling her name with her crush's last name on a notebook, just to see how it'd look. But when the big moment came, I suddenly freaked! Here's the thing - some may say that changing your name does not change who you are. I'd argue that many seemingly basic things affect us, as much as we'd like to think they don't. The clothes we choose to wear, for example. A superficial idea, no doubt, but possibly a profound impact on our life? I say yes. I can go from homeless to preppy in about 15 seconds. My name...it is me. It reeks of me. I love that people take their loved one's name, I think it is a beautiful way of defining one's own new little family. But it was not for me. I will live and die a Hughes. (:
Hello dear cousin,
It's fun to read your blog and see you going through the same things I have during my life.
As for the name change, I was in the same boat, only I went from having the same rare last name to a last name that half the world seems to have - Wilson! Imaging going from a completely unique last name to Wilson. But I am happy to be a Wilson and happy to share that name with my husband. You will always be the same person inside!
This seems to be a bit related to your earlier blog about your ethnic background(s). You are a very lucky girl to have the diversity that you have. You cannot be put into a catagory. You can be whoever you want to be. Your diversity helps you to relate to everyone. You're a true member of the global community!!! Embrace it!
By the way, one of the people in your images of people with the same last name is Leanne R. She's an artist from Australia but lives in New York. She and I met several years ago in Los Angeles.
OK, take care little seal. Enjoy your journey!
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